Wednesday, June 08, 2005

The Rules of Faff

Myself and Ian have been working on these for a while.

1) Faffing to be kept to a minimum.
2) If you faff, expect abuse.
3) Preride faffs are to be kept short, riders can be left and made to catch up if excessive faffing occurs. The Pre-ride faffing also determines the Faff Order (see point 5).

4) Faff Stops.
a) A rider can call a faff stop assuming its his turn in the Faff Order.
b) Whilst the Calling Rider is faffing, other riders may pre-emptive faff.
c) However the Pre-emptive faffing will cease as soon as the Calling Rider is ready to ride.

5) The Faff Order
a-i) The faff order is determined by the order in which riders are ready to ride.
a-ii) Ready to Ride means astride Bike, with camelbak and helmet on.
b-i) Alternatively the Faff order is determined by the order in which people arrive at the start of the group ride when the riders are arriving by bike.
b-ii) However if a rider starts to faff at the meeting point delaying the start of the group ride they are automatically placed last in the Faff Order.

6) Mechanical Faffs
a) A mechanical Faff can only be called outside of the normal Faff Order rules if the mechanical makes the unrideable
b) Whether the bike is unrideable is decided by the rest of the group not the would be Faffer.
c) The quickest method of fixing the mechanical must be taken. eg Replace the tube don't patch it.

7) Picture Faffs
a) Entirely acceptable as long as the group is not held up.
b) No pre-emptive faffing can take place on a Picture Faff.

8) Sneaky Faffs
a) Sneaky Faff's are acceptable as long as the sneaky Faffer, sprints ahead of the pack and finishes their faff before the pack catches up.
b) Sneaky Faff's are only for food and clothing faffs.

9) Extreme weather Faffs
a) If the weather changes in the extreme, an Extreme Weather Faff can be called and one and all can put jackets on in the case of a downpour.
b) Drizzle or the sun coming from behind a cloud do NOT count as extreme weather.

10) Faffing during scheduled food stops.
a) Any faffing particularly of the mechanical kind should take place whilst people are eating.
b) Unless the faffer is the next in the Faff Order, when he/she can spend his/her turn.

11) Medical faff's
a) Medical Faffs can be taken out of turn but:
b) No blood, no Faff
c) Unless your Ashmatic/HayFevery/or something similarly annoying.
d) Glasses faffs don't count for out of turn Faffs.

The Rules of Faff in action.

4 Riders arrange to meet for a ride, they are all arriving by car, they all arrive at roughly the same time.
Ian is ready to ride first, then Dan, then Mike (despite his loose headset faff), the final rider to be ready is Lex because he had reassemble his freeride bike with thru-axle hubs after fishing it out of his car.

So the Faff order is:

Everyone is riding along happily, Ian want's to take his jacket off so calls a Faff stop. There is other faffing with jackets. We continue riding. Dan gets hungry 20 minutes later and calls a faff and eats something, meanwhile Lex adjusts his gears but as he gets it done while Dan is eating, thats fine.
Later, Mike realises his headset has come loose again and calls a faff to fix it.

Ian gets a puncture and its agreed that it should be fixed, so Ian replaces the tube quickly and efficiently and we are on our way with a minimal about of Faff.

The Heavens open so an Extreme weather faff is called and jackets are on.

Lunchtime, everyone eats but Lex is still unhappy with his gears so he quickly eats and adjusts his gears again whilst the others enjoy a leisurely rest stop.

The weather has improved so at the end of lunch jackets are taken off and we are back on track, with the weather clearing, several photo faffs are taken.

Alles klar?

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